MASTERING A FERTILE MINDSET: SERIOUS WORK WITH A LIGHT-HEARTED APPROACH
What does it mean to have a fertile mindset? Does it mean being someone who meditates and says affirmations? Sure! Can it mean trusting that you know what’s best for your body? Absolutely! What about self care and having boundaries? Yep, those too!
A fertile mindset can mean a variety of things to different people, but there’s one thing it never . . . EVER . . . means. It never means putting your life on hold to obsess over the fact that you’re still not pregnant.
No matter how long you’ve been trying to conceive. No matter how many people around you all seem to be pregnant at the same time. And no matter how hard your fertility journey has been for you so far . . .
Judging other women who get pregnant super easily—but don’t seem like they even want kids—isn’t helping you to have a baby of your own. Worrying about the future only robs you of today’s peace. And driving yourself crazy trying to understand why things are the way they are keeps you stuck living in the past.
Spending even one single second arguing with reality is a waste of your precious energy.
It’s rigged – everything, in your favor.
So there is nothing to worry about.
- Rumi
If there's one thing most women don’t realize about getting pregnant, it’s this: conceiving is all about receiving.
It’s easier said than done, but your mindset is directly connected to your fertility. So from this point on, start looking at your mind as fertile soil. And your words are the seeds that you sow.
That includes the thoughts you have about yourself, the words you use to speak to yourself, and the language you use to communicate with other people.
So what are you harvesting in your garden?
If you’re like most people, it’s a mix. And if you’ve been struggling with infertility for any length of time, your garden is probably full of frustration, doubt, fear, and overwhelm.
And nothing will block your ability to receive more than a negative mindset.
So how do you start cultivating genuine optimism, hope, and positivity instead?
Keep reading for some ideas and then take a few suggestions for spin to see the difference for yourself. Some may feel pie-in-the-sky, airy fairy, or woo woo to you. Try them out anyway. If you don’t like it, you can always go back to your old way of doing things.
THE FIRST STEP TO ADOPTING A FERTILE MINDSET IS TRUSTING THAT YOUR BODY HAS THE ABILITY TO GET PREGNANT, STAY PREGNANT, AND HAVE A HEALTHY BABY.
It doesn’t matter how much evidence you have that says your body is broken or not able to do what it’s supposed to. You must believe that your body can get pregnant and stay pregnant.
Give yourself permission to beat the odds. Look for stories of women who got pregnant even after being told they never would have a baby of their own. Examples of what’s possible are everywhere. Let them inspire you to dream about what’s possible for you too.
At Magnolia Wellness, we see these success stories first hand with women in our Overcoming Infertility program, and it’s nothing short of miraculous. Women who have blocked fallopian tubes get pregnant naturally after their doctor said IVF was the only option. Women who have undergone 11, 12, and 13 rounds of failed IVF have had babies naturally after almost giving up hope. And women in their 40s who were told they should’ve started trying to get pregnant much earlier have conceived naturally and had healthy pregnancies and babies.
Even if your fertility journey feels like an uphill battle, your body is quite miraculous.
And even when it doesn’t feel like your body is on your team, 95% of it is actually working quite well. What if you started to appreciate the complexity of all of your organs, tissues, and cells working diligently behind the scenes to keep you alive? What if you started to see new possibilities where you used to always quit? And what if—just as a fun experiment—you became more committed to nurturing your fertility and giving your body what it needs to feel safe and nourished instead of beating yourself up for unmet expectations?
Do this as often as possible: Visualize yourself as a whole and complete perfectly healthy being. Imagine every single cell in your body working hard for your benefit. And begin to see your womb as a warm and welcoming place inviting a baby in.
Here’s the problem though—when fear strikes, it’s easy to revert back to your outdated patterns of thinking. And when your biggest fear of all is not being a mom, your dream of motherhood can quickly turn into a nightmare full of crippling anxiety. That’s when you need to remember that faith wins over fear every time.
You don’t need to be a part of any certain religion to have faith. Faith is simply a belief that your baby will find you one way or another. It’s what keeps you moving forward when the world says you should give up.
And if your faith is running low, you’re going to want to sign up for a Fertility Consult where you can spend one-on-one time with someone who knows pregnancy is a possibility for you and will help pave the path to motherhood with you.
Just because you can’t see a better way right now, doesn’t mean one isn’t possible!
THE SECOND STEP TO A FERTILE MINDSET IS POSITIVE SELF TALK.
The cells in your body are listening to everything you say, so don’t you think it’s time to change the way you talk to yourself?
This might sound crazy at first, but you are made up of trillions of cells that are constantly being replenished. Your thoughts and emotions are influencing your body on a cellular level. And your brain doesn’t know the difference between what’s really happening in the world and what you’re just imagining.
So doesn’t it make sense to send your body messages that it’s safe, you’re grateful for its help, and you trust in its wisdom?
Keep it up long enough and those messages will literally become a part of who you are. This is where affirmations come in. It’s okay if you’re rolling your eyes. The way people teach affirmations can easily become overly complicated. Don’t get caught up on writing them a hundred times a day or making sure you’re saying them in the present tense.
All that matters is that you’re saying something to yourself that feels a little bit better than your default thought and that you actually believe it.
Here are some affirmations to try on for size:
I trust my body.
I love my body.
My body knows what it’s doing.
Miracles are happening.
The universe supports me.
Things are happening for me, not to me.
I’m willing to do what it takes to get what I want.
I’m getting healthier every single day.
Look for opportunities to communicate messages to your body that it’s safe. These things really do matter! Create an environment where you can start getting out of fight or flight mode, and instead start giving yourself little pep talks when you’re feeling discouraged.
If finding the right words to say is difficult for you, maybe it would be easier to not say anything at all. Meditation is another wonderful way to open yourself up to receiving the baby you’ve been dreaming about. Plus, meditation helps regulate your hormones! It reduces cortisol levels and increases DHEA—which are great for your fertility.
THE THIRD AND FINAL STEP TO ACHIEVING A FERTILE MINDSET IS BEING CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT WHILE BEING GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE.
You might think that this is the part of the article where we’re going to talk about keeping a gratitude journal. While that’s a fantastic thing to do, this isn’t about that.
The concept of being clear about what you want while being grateful for what you have is all about being ready to receive. You’re never going to get what you want in life, if you’re not confident enough to ask for it. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t grateful for what you have. You can appreciate your current situation AND want more.
But all of this fertile mindset stuff is much easier when other people aren’t involved.
It can be hard to ask someone for their advice . . . and even harder to tell them you don’t want their input but would prefer a listening ear.
It’s difficult to tell a family member who you love seeing at holiday dinners that you don’t feel comfortable discussing your infertility issues with them.
And sometimes people are just a little too nosy, and it’s always awkward feeling like you overshared in a conversation that you never really wanted to have in the first place.
So the next time you have a social event that you’re nervous about, here are some ways to make sure you’re getting what you need. Whether it’s support from a friend, how to change the subject during a conversation, or a way to communicate your boundaries without feeling like a jerk—here are some go-to ideas so you’ll be prepared.
If you’re feeling nervous to go to a family dinner because you have relatives who ask way too many personal questions . . .
Even though this seems like the last thing you’d ever dream of doing, bring a friend. There’s a good chance your nosy uncle with no concept of socially acceptable table topics will be much better behaved in front of a stranger.
If the risk is too great, and you don’t trust your relatives not to embarrass you in front of an audience—you’re going to want to have a few comebacks handy.
You can always reply to their questioning with one of the following:
“Why do you ask?” - this gives them a minute to realize they might be getting a little too personal.
“I'd love to share more, but my personal life is currently under construction. I’ll be sure to let you know about any updates worth mentioning.” - this is a lighthearted way to let them know now would be a good time to drop it.
“That information’s classified. Need-to-know basis only. So tell me, what’s new with you?” - this lets them know you’re not interested in sharing more.
“I appreciate your concern, but I’d rather not talk about that here.” - this leaves the door open to talk another time that’s more appropriate.
“I think for today I’d rather keep the conversation light. The distraction has been nice.” - this helps steer the conversation to a different topic that’s not you.
It’s important to remember that you can be grateful for the people in your life without feeling guilt tripped into conversations you’re not comfortable having. Most people just ask questions because they care about you. They’re usually simply trying to catch up and are happy to talk about anything you want. So don’t be afraid to change the subject to something you do want to talk about!
REMEMBER THAT WHO YOU SURROUND YOURSELF WITH SHAPES WHO YOU BECOME.
You’ve heard that you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with, but have you ever really thought about why that is? It’s because we begin to take on the same way of thinking that the people around us do. That’s why when you’re trying to improve your own mindset, it’s important to be around people who are also positive and open to expanding and growing.
This applies to the medical practitioners you see too! Is your doctor someone who believes in your body’s ability to heal itself?
Here at Magnolia Wellness, we know that your body knows exactly what to do. Fertility is your birthright, and we can help you unlock your body’s innate wisdom naturally. Once the root cause of your infertility is uncovered, most women in the Overcoming Infertility program are pregnant within a few months. In fact, we currently have a 100% success rate! Every woman who has gone through the program so far has gotten pregnant within 12 months.
Book a Fertility Consult and get someone on your team who believes in your body’s ability to get pregnant, stay pregnant, and have a healthy baby. Your dream family is possible for you, and you don’t have to wait any longer to make it happen.